Today I had an aha moment.

No, not the type of aha moment free world people experience when encountering something truly eye opening, but the type only incarcerated people know and experience after decades of living in a cage.

Every one of Ohio’s 50,000 prison incarcerated people are issued a Samsung 10″ tablet — it’s not that glamorous, these are refurbished 5th and 6th generation monstrosities in a world of 20th generation magic — and we have access to numerous free, but mostly pay-to-use services. Prison is big business. There’s money to be made from the backs of America’s most vulnerable population, their friends, and families.

I was swiping through he GTL Library app of offerings. Think of the app like an online library of sorts where there’s magazines, books, and ebooks. It’s nothing like the limitless content of the internet, everything is censored and specially curated. Anyhow, I stumbled upon the audio book, “Who Moved My Cheese?”.

I tapped the Who Moved My Cheese? icon and an audio book reader launched.

I suppose out there something as mundane as an audio book reader wouldn’t warrant mention let alone a blog post — but in my world this is discovery on scale similar to teenagers stumbling upon online porn.

I glanced around casual so not to draw attention. Content my discovery went unnoticed by the men around me, I focused on the reader’s unknown icons before settling upon the safe familiarity of the play button.

I hurriedly plugged in my ear buds and tapped play. For the next 5 minutes a man’s voice droned on and on about how he had come up with the idea for Who Ate My Cheese?. My excitement quickly drained away. This guy was kinda boring.

I decided to venture deeper. The way I saw it I could do no harm, besides I had already made up my mind I couldn’t possibly sit through two hours of this man’s mind numbing voice. That is until I discovered Valhalla.

In the corner of the app I spotted a discreet double “§” looking icon. I tapped it. A new screen appeared. Bulleted percentages of 100%, 125%, 150%, 175%, and 200% trailed from top to bottom. Highlighted by default was 100%.

I tapped 125%.

The mans voice returned except this time he seemed somehow cheerier. I tapped 150%. Now he babbled on like a gaggle of teenage girls. 175% and he spoke as if hopped up on lines of crystal meth.

I eyed 200%. My heart pounded and my palms grew moist. I cast a furtive glance around me and thumbed 200%.

The man’s voice raced back like a used car auctioneer. Holy shit, I thought. I CAN listen to this book!

*Christopher Monihan is a journalist, writer, and 2024 Stillwater Award recipient. His newest book “Reflections From Behind the Wall” is now available on Amazon.