Navigating and surviving prison is mostly about trying to figure out where you fit in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in is processing situations and groups of women, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them.

Belonging is something else entirely. It is showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you truly are. Most of us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the prison world in order to be accepted. But we are not letting ourselves be known, truly. This kind of living or existing is soul sucking.

The truth is, belonging starts with self acceptance. Your level of belonging in fact, can never be greater than your self acceptance, because believing you are enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable, and imperfect. When we don’t have that, we twist ourselves, once again, we hustle for the worthiness we already possess.

Levels of guilt are also healthy in prison. Guilt helps us stay on track because it’s about our behavior. It occurs when we compare something we have done or failed to do with our special values.

The discomfort that results often motivates real change and self-reflection.

Surviving prison is about realizing who you are at your core. Finding the answers to the tough questions we never “had time” to find while in the real world. Do this above all else, love and respect yourself. Prison will become something you survived and learned from.

Torrey

*Rachael Torrey is a lettersfromchristopher.com contributing writer.