In my last post about Brexit (see Hotel California), I couldn’t help but sympathize with my British readers. The state of politics there are similar to the state of politics here. While we have different issues, we both suffer from division. You all have Brexit, we have Trump.
Okay, so allow me to clarify once again because our president is popular with half the country. I know this probably comes as a shock to my international readers, but it could be worse right? He could be popular with MOST of the country. As it stands, Trump will have to fight to win the 2020 presidential election. So take heart in knowing this. We may be back to buying world class French wines and fine Italian cheeses sooner than you think. And hopefully, you guys will be back to buying great American whisky. As for my Chinese readers, all you guys need to do is stick with the game plan: patience. Keep playing the long game. Trust me, Trump has no clue as to Chinese history. And for my Russian readers, you all had a good run. Think about it. Trump just handed Putin, Assad, and the Mullahs the Middle East, he has divided our allies in Europe, and even managed to weaken NATO. Putin has been laughing for the past 3 years and hasn’t stopped yet.
So the Brexit saga continues. Like a cold sore, it’s the gift that keeps on giving. You know it’s there, but what’s a guy to do? I want you to know that we Americans admire Theresa May. From our view, she’s tough and gritty and scrappy. When Brexit landed in London like Godzilla, she fought the beast to the very end, staying true to the people’s vote. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. She spent all her political capital on Brexit and lost. I can’t help but think that maybe she should’ve bought a Mothra instead.
Now Boris Johnson leads where May left off. Poor guy. They say he’s the “Trump” of England? I don’t necessarily agree with this. Boris Johnson never said that he grabs women in their privates because that’s what they want him to do; he doesn’t rail against the ‘fake media’ every day; he doesn’t tell countries like, say, Mexico that we have a done trade deal and then weeks later threaten to impose new tariffs if they don’t do what he says, nor does he constantly talk about how great he is. Frankly, Johnson doesn’t even have catchy little names for world leaders like “Little Rocket Man,” or demeaning names for his political opponents like “Pocahontas” or “Little Marco” or “The Head Clown” (that one is for Chuck Schumer, it’s my fav). No, sorry, I just don’t see the resemblance.
Yet, there he is. Trying to slay the same beast that slayed May. Have we not learned? Except Boris Johnson has a slightly different tactic. Rather than grovel and beg to the puppet masters in Brussels, he has crossed his arms and done something very unBritish. He has said, “Pfft! See if I care. We’ll crash out of this sucker whether you like it or not.” Admirable? Maybe. Reckless? Perhaps. Entertaining? You bet. We Americans are watching this saga with the same intense interest that we reserve for Internet cat and dog videos. And we LOVE our cats and dogs.
On behalf of the entire country, we wish you all the best of luck. If we could help we would, but we can barely help ourselves solve our own political mess. Oh, and one more thing: whoever came up with that giant Trump baby float over there is a genius. I love that thing!
Which brings me to yet another random thought: the trade war with China. Come on guys, by now you have figured out that all you’ve got to do is wait Trump out, right? Hell, that should be a walk in the park for a country that prides itself on its long game. Keep on making purring noises about planned soy bean purchases, and the billions and billions you will spend on agricultural products, and the way I see it you can string Trump along until he’s either impeached, arrested or loses the next election. Then it will be back to business as usual.
Of course, I can’t end this post without giving credit to our president. He’s a man of his word, at least for as long as he’s willing to keep it, and he seems to relish a good fight (so long as it’s not against Iran). The first war was the Battle of Stormy Daniels, and the second war was the Battle of the “Russia hoax.” The way I see it, we’ve arrived at World War Trump. The final epic battle of battles, the battle of impeachment where winner takes all. The democrats have staked their entire political capital on this battle, history be damned. Apparently their memories are short. Seems to me the Republicans ventured down this street when Bill Clinton was president, and you see how that worked out for them: 8 years of Clinton with no one to blame other than themselves. Maybe the democrats will blame global warming for their defeat in the end. That’s always a party favorite.
Yeah, it all sounds like the same old song and dance to me. But you know what? I love it. It makes prison that much brighter, because I can turn on the world news on any given night and laugh my ass off. I love this stuff!
*If you enjoyed this post, please like and share with your friends. In the meantime, I’ll keep writing for you! Also, if you know of other blogs written by inmates, please let me know because I enjoy reading what other guys write. Frankly, it helps keep me sane.