Forward

This is the second post in this series on gangs.

Each post is written by someone who is in a gang, was in a gang or could have been in a gang but chose not to. Each author is incarcerated. This series was put together by Felicia an inmate at Ohio’s massive women’s prison known as “The Farm.” Officially, it is ORW or the Ohio Reformatory for Women.

Part one was written by Matt in Ohio, an active RTC gang member. This part is written by Robert in Maryland. He is a former Crip gang member.

I hope this glimpse into gang and institutional life if informative. For so many behind bars, this is their life.

—Christopher—

Gangs On The Inside (Pt.2)

Robert

Once upon a time I was affiliated with the Crips. But I grew up. Matured and no longer needed a set to make me feel like I am someone.

Felicia: “What changed your decision when it came to gang affiliation?”

Robert

The things that changed my decision when it came to the affiliation I had with the Crips was because I became tired of the b.s. Who’s “real” vs who’s “not”. What set was real vs which wasn’t. Brothers able to get high vs not. Where’s the money, the bloodshed for little or no reason, the young ones just trying to be cool or get in a woman’s panties, meeting after meeting after meeting. Brothers not loyal to one another and the list goes on.

So I began to fall back. Started going to church. One individual said he had rank and was sending me on a mission. I told him he had to send someone else. I knew from that moment “they” would try to get me hit. I beat them to the punch. I saw the two top men and approached them like “let’s do this”.

They said, “no…no we wasn’t going to get you hit.”

What they didn’t know was a lot of people have respect for me, and I was confident that no one would take the contract.

Then I went and made a promise to my daughter that I wasn’t getting into any more trouble. I kept asking myself over and over, “Why am I with this only to realize I had been done before that. I realize now years later that I was young and dumb. I could have lost my life for so many people that didn’t care shit about me. One of the best things about prison is, it shows you who really loves ya!

Robert (MD)

N.C.C.C. (Simon City Royals affiliate)

A gangster’s prayer…

“Heavenly father, please hear me tonight. I need so much guidance to live my life right. Sometimes the pressure is so hard to bear. I often wonder if anyone cares. How can I wake up and face another day, knowing I live my life the crazy way?

Heavenly Father, forgive all my sins. Give me strength to resist the wild life I desire. Help me to escape temptation and fire. Please help my family whose eyes silently plead for me not to do wrong and they pray for me. God bless our mothers who cry every night worrying that we will be killed by someone in a fight.

Heavenly Father, please answer my prayer. Please let me know that you are listening up there. When will it end? What was it all for? To prove to my homies that I’m down, I’m hard core? Sometimes I wonder how I’ll die, by a bullet wound or a knife in my side?

Heavenly Father, please hear me tonight. Show me the way Lord, show me the light, give my heart peace so I won’t have to fight. Thank you for your forgiveness and for still being there. Most of all thank you for hearing a gangster’s prayer. Amen!

N.C.C.C. (Simon City Royals affiliate)

*Lettersfromchristopher is an advocacy effort to draw attention to incarceration in the United States. The narrative of incarceration should not remain in the shadows.

Thank you to everyone who has commented on a post. Your comments are encouraging and inspiring to those behind bars and every writer of this blog has expressed gratitude for your thoughts.

Please see the recently updated “About Christopher” section and thank you for following!